Ladies and Gentlemen, wow. Thank you so much. This - this has always been a dream for me. To stand here, in front of all of you, with the oscar for best screenplay? Thank you - there are so many people! I’d like to thank my wife, Aoife, my family, all my friends in Dublin.
The really surprising thing about me winning this award is that I have no memory of writing this screenplay! I remember wanting to write it, thinking about writing it, and I remember putting off writing it, but no memory of actually writing it, or sending it to a studio, or any of the other steps along the way.
So - (turns around to look at montage of film) - who stars in this? Huh - De Niro, Nicholson, Meryl Streep? Wow - we really pushed the boat out. And you’re saying Scorsese directed it? Jesus, must have been a good script. And do we live in LA? Wait - look at me asking these questions - I can sort all these out backstage.
I want to say to all the people out there who think they can write something! You probably can! Keep heart, and don’t work memorably hard! That way, you too can win the oscar for best screenplay!
They’re playing the music for me to get off stage.
So strange that the orchestra do a version of ‘Marimba’ for iPhone...
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