Week 13 - Laura - Failure

I fucking love being a failure.

Being pretty shit at pretty much everything is bloody brilliant.

When’s the last time anyone asked me to do something for them? Long enough ago for me not to remember. When’s the last time I felt under pressure to do something well? I'm fucked if I know.

What do I do every day? Not a whole pile to be honest. Get up when I can’t be bothered to stay in the scratcher any longer. A bit of Call of Duty maybe before lunch. I call round to the Ma for that most days. Head down to the pub to hang out with the lads maybe, if I've a few quid in me back pocket.

Does being a bit of a waste of space in the eyes of most of society bother me? Does it fuck!

I’ll be honest with you. I've mates who are pretty much the same as me, ‘cept it bothers the shit out of them. The pressure’s gotten to them. They feel they’re letting themselves down, that they should be trying to better themselves, you know?

I’ll tell you the secret to not giving a shit though. And now’s the time to take heed of it, when you’re still young.

Fail early and fail often.

That’s it. Honest to God, couldn't be simpler.

I think people who want to be a success use that as a motto too though, so it’s important to remember the goal. You’re not trying to eliminate ways to fail to get to success. No, you’re acclimatising yourself and everyone else, so you’ll be left in peace to do fuck all.

I remember giving a shit back in the day. I used to feel bad when I failed a test, or fucked up a job.

But the trick is to get used to being a fuck-up, and get everyone else used to it too.

Soon enough everyone will give up hope and stop bothering you. And you’ll be free as a bird.

Fail early and fail often my man. You’ll thank me in time.