I think to a large extent my concept of personal possibility has existed in the theoretical realm for much of my life.
Apart from getting 15% in my first ever Science test when I was 13 (how was I to know I was meant to learn something from flying paper airplanes in class?), I've always been an academic success. I got a good Leaving Cert, and a place in my first choice course in college. I left college with an honours degree, and picked up a job in the corresponding sector.
On paper, that’s a success. And of course in real life it’s a success too.
I think I've also let it pigeon-hole me in a way though. I'm good (not great) at what I do. That’s made me less likely to test myself for fear of failing. And as a result that’s made me, to some degree, actually fail myself.
I'm a good girl. I like to think I've had my moments of rebellion throughout the years, but it’s always been within a system I've never seriously thought of working outside.
To date I've mostly played it safe.
Writing that - and reading it back - shames me.
Playing the game well is clever. I am clever. Bowing out of the game and deciding to play your own game is even cleverer, and that's what I want to be.
The best work I've ever done has been when I throw away the rulebook. When I don’t measure myself by the existing standards. When I come up with my own way of doing things, of reaching goals, of making something work.
In recent times I've begun to mentally re-draw my professional parameters, and give some thought to what success is for me.
Re-configuring what’s possible with life (which is pretty much anything) is heady stuff. Getting to the point where you really believe it's possible is exhilarating.
There’s no guarantee I’ll be good at what I set as a goal for myself in the future, or that I’ll be a success even if I am. But my truth from here on in - not just theoretically - is that anything is possible.
