I HATE kissing.
It’s as disgusting as cabbage.
It’s as horrid as losing when Henry Hopkins is on the other football team.
It’s as horrible as school.
I hate kissing so much I’d prefer to do my sister Emily’s chores as well as mine.
I’d rather brush my teeth the whole day long.
I’d even like homework at the weekend more.
All kisses are yucky, but some are worse than others.
My Aunt Vera’s kisses are really gross. Something must be wrong with her mouth, because every time she kisses me she leaves some of her big red lips behind on my face.
Uncle Ivan’s kisses are revolting too. They’re kind of….squelchy. Every time he kisses me he leaves about a gallon of saliva on my cheek and I have to wipe it off with my sleeve when he’s not looking.
My big sister told me people who really like each other kiss with their tongues as well as their lips.
I'm not sure if she’s messing, but if anyone ever puts their tongue in my mouth I’ll bite it off.
The only kisses I like are the ones my Mam gives me on my forehead when I'm sick in bed and she brings me ice cream.
If I really like someone when I grow up they will only be allowed to kiss me on the forehead. And only then if they bring me mint chocolate chip ice cream.
That’s the rule.
Because kissing is gross!
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