I get into the car before I can change my mind. Telling her I'm her mother will be too much for her to take on now, but she has to know that Matt is her father.
Pulling the seat belt across my still scarred stomach stings almost to the point of tears. “Suck it up,” I whisper, furious with myself. “It’s nothing like the pain Annie’s going to have to face later.”
Thinking of what I have to tell her almost makes me undo the belt and retreat into the safety of Lilac Cottage again. But that’s not an avenue even I can pretend is an option. This time I have to tell her.
Though it hasn't done it in months, my ageing Renault starts on the first turn of the key. Even it seems to know how important this evening’s task is.
As I back out onto the main street the tears start to flow, each one filled with the regrets of the past.
Driving out past Fenton’s farm the memories almost quench my resolve completely. I have to rely on muscle memory to keep changing gears, keep the accelerator pressed and keep this journey going to its inevitable end.
It’s only a ten minute drive to Annie’s. As I drive through her gates a glance at the clock tells me this particularly reluctant journey has only taken two extra minutes on top of that.
It’s 8.29pm and I'm about to turn Annie’s whole world upside down. If there was any other option, I’d choose it now. But I can’t. I unknowingly set this all in train 23 years and nine months ago, and whatever happens, I have to tell Annie the full truth now.
Even more hesitantly than I’d put the seat belt on, I unbuckle it, open the car door and begin the fateful walk to Annie’s door.
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