Week 38 - Andrew - Sin

Bless me father for I have sinned. This week, I have broken the majority of these commandments in some sense. 

1. You shall have no other gods before Me.
   Thursday Night - at my boss' leaving drinks, I definitely prayed to the god of beer to bless me with a reprieve from his horrible punishment. He did not bless me.
   
2. You shall not make idols.
   I am almost certain I have stroked my car this week. That's not normal.
   
3. You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
   Jesus Christ - how is this still a sin?
   
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
   Certainly remembered that it was Sunday - but a roast chicken and a documentary about Kurt Cobain was as holy as it got. (there were serious holes in the documentary's theory)
   
5. Honor your father and your mother.
   I mean, I don't think I've...dis-honoured them? Certainly made different choices than they'd make...
   
6. You shall not murder.
   While I didn't actually murder anyone, after a good sales meeting, I did say that 'we killed it'. Which is a worse sin than murder.
   
7. You shall not commit adultery.
   No, I didn't do this. On an unrelated note - If I die, please just delete my internet history. Better yet - just burn my computer.
   
8. You shall not steal.
   I work for an un-named tech company. there are snack racks. I haven't paid for chewing gum in a year.
   
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
   Wierdly, I'm not sure I did this one. wait! no, I did! I was horrible about someone's facebook pictures.
   
10. You shall not covet.
     There was very little I didn't covet. Especially food! I certainly coveted a sandwich I saw a guy eating. 

10/10  - ACHEIVEMENT COMPLETE! 

Week 38 - Laura - Sin

“It’s a sin,” Neil Tennant intones, judging me via my CD player speakers as I unwrap the last KitKat Chunky of the multipack.

Gluttony is a difficult vice to defend when you’re a fan of the Pet Shop Boys, I muse.  Of course that’s particularly the case when four KitKats form just part of the evening’s comfort eating menu, and come after I’ve single-handedly (mouthedly?) dealt with a Domino’s meal deal for three. And still have plans to attack the Oreo cookie ice-creams I know are in the bottom drawer of the freezer.

“I know it is, Neil,” I say out loud, stooping to a new low by carrying on a conversation with a song that was recorded in 1987. “But so is lust, right? And I’m pretty sure fucking Janet Jackson - no, not the singer, our slag of a neighbour of the same name - falls into that category. So you’d better be tunefully lecturing Luke this evening too.”

Have a break?, I think, swallowing the last of the KitKat without even tasting it. Oh, Luke and I will definitely be having one of those. A long one. ‘Til death, there or thereabouts. And I’ll tell you I’d love to help him a little closer to that milestone with another sort of break right now. Ideally a collarbone. I’ve heard that’s pretty horrific. Even a leg break would do though. We’d soon see how attractive he is to Janet when he’s wearing a cast instead of his skimpy rugby shorts.

I should’ve known that tart’s new-found interest in Luke’s over-35s team was more than just “being a good neighbour”. Of course stupid me took her at face value. I even tried to set her up with George, one of Luke’s teammates.

Now it’s me who’ll need pity dates, I think as I hiccup, and quickly slide the first ice-cream out of its packet and shove it down my throat to stop the lump that's there moving any further up.

“It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a sin,” Neil selfishly continues to chant in the background as he reaches the song's grand crescendo, totally oblivious to the fact that my world is falling around my feet. Which, if I continue to eat at this rate, will soon be connected to the rest of me by cankles, a little voice in my head warns.

Neil blithely moves on to 'I Want to Wake Up'. And I wonder if my relationship with him is nearing its end too.

I think I need more supplies.

Week 37 - Andrew - What I did last Tuesday afternoon

My outlook calendar from last Tuesday would tell you that I had an XFN with GSS, a Client Perf. catchup, a 1:1, and a PST review.

My notebook has a lot of scribbles, and the word 'Strategy' underlined three times. Someone said 'Strategy', and I wrote it down. Unfortunately I don't know if it was GSS, the client team or the guy dialling in on VC from PST.

My facebook chat logs show that I was making puns about beastie boys lyrics, while trying to organise a training session. I didn't speak to anyone outside of work during this time on facebook.

Gmail is where I do my real out-of-work chatting. Aoif and I chatted a lot about the building work we were doing in the house. The shower had to be replaced, so we talked a lot about how much to pay the builder. She showed me an article about a friend of hers who got engaged to a famous sports personality, I called her a brainy beauty. We flirted a bit, it was nice.

At one stage, I looked at a 2 minute video clip on how to drill into ceramic tiles. (use a special bit, and use masking tape to get purchase on the surface)

I spoke to my brother a lot about the ECU problems you would see with my Mercedes vs his BMW. This may have been why my notes from the client meeting were so paltry.

On the whole, last Tuesday afternoon was largely representative of most days, at least the documentary evidence. I'm a lucky man, I am in love with my wife, and we are building a good life and a nice home together. I have a close friendship with my brother, and I get on well with my colleagues in a job I enjoy.

I'm crap at taking notes. What the hell was this 'Strategy?'

Week 37 - Laura - What I did last Tuesday afternoon

If there’s one thing last Tuesday afternoon taught me it’s that I’ll love my son no matter what.*

If only because I made him myself.**

I made butter shortbread cookies for the first time ever last Tuesday afternoon. (Just bear with me…)

It wasn’t my choice. They cropped up on the schedule of a baking course I was doing. It would have been churlish to refuse.

If you’d asked me my opinion on shortbread cookies last Monday afternoon, or even last Tuesday morning, I’d have argued that they’re a weak link in the cookie army.

At least one round tin of Danish Butter Cookies showed up in my house every Christmas when I was a child, and I couldn’t believe that anyone actually liked them.

I remember thinking that they didn’t really deserve to be called cookies. Chocolate chip cookies set the cookie standard, and Danish butter ones just didn’t belong in the same category. Or, indeed, the world.

Fast forward a couple of decades and a few more years for luck, and last Tuesday afternoon I found myself mixing butter, caster sugar and icing sugar together - step one in making the really rather characterless cookies. “I can always give them away,” I thought, as I added in flour, ground rice and roasted ground almonds.***

After an hour of letting the paste chill in the fridge, I cut out the bland biscuits. I baked them for about 20 minutes, and, after only a glance, let them cool.

Then I tasted my work, and OH MY GOD - amazing! How have I never appreciated the delicate taste of a butter shortbread cookie before? How could I have written off this beautiful biscuit? They are the business!

Now see even at this stage, if pressed, I’d equate Mario with something like a milk chocolate goldgrain - one of the best and most upstanding in the biscuit world.**** It’s a mighty starting point, but last Tuesday afternoon has taught me that even if, God forbid, he takes a wrong path in life and turns into a delinquent of the butter shortbread cookie variety, I’ll adore him still.*****

*Although I’m pretty sure he’s going to be super-loveable for a million reasons.

**with help from Sean

***I promise not to give you away Mario!

****I’m sure nobody is going to press me to liken my unborn child to a biscuit, but it’s best to be prepared.
*****Comparing my child with a biscuit is perhaps a new low for me. Maybe I'm more tired than I thought. I might go take a nap now...

Week 36 - Laura - luxury

Luxury is...

...leisurely balcony breakfasts

...fresh bed linen

...buying myself flowers

...not setting an alarm

...ice-creams after dinner

...brunch with friends

...tea from a teacup and saucer

...afternoon naps

...month-long honeymoons

...warm towels

...milking parlour chats with my dad

...Mammy dinners

...walks with Ralph

...knowing there’s enough money in my bank account

...wandering on Portmarnock beach

...reading trashy novels in a hot bath

...being minded when I’m sick

Week 36 - Luxury - Andrew

A room costs 3 euro. A room with a window and a fan costs 5. Your 3 euro room comes with access to a shared cold shower. A room with a hot shower will run you 12 euro, and aircon could knock you up to 18 euro. Bear in mind that you are in a rural part of Cambodia - You stay in the cold shower, no window, no aircon room.

You need a car, for 2000 Euro, you can get an 8 year old 1.6l Skoda Octavia with more mileage than the International Space station. You'll have to drive to a yard in Stradbally and buy it from a man in a frayed jumper who smells of damp cigarette smoke.

To furnish your house - Ikea deliver the best balance of quality and value. The product won't let you down. You can get cheaper (fractionally), but it will let you down, and you'll end up buying it again. Try and go during a sale, you can put lights in your living room for 10 euro.

Pre-prepared food is expensive, go to a greengrocers and a butchers to get your food. Get cheap cuts, chicken thighs, pork shoulder, stewing beef. Over time, you'll build up the skill to prepare whatever you want to eat, at a reasonable price.

Coffee is coffee is coffee - a big tub of Maxwell house will run you 2 euro and will last you a couple of months.

A room in central London costs maybe 200 Euro, but you can get a nice one for a little bit more. Check Tripadvisor for reviews, make sure you're booking a room you'll get value from.

Don't take a loan out for a car, but certainly buy something you will really enjoy driving. It's ok to pay a bit more road tax and insurance. Buy it from a dealership where they will give you a cup of coffee and will be able to talk to you about cars. You need to have confidence, cruising around.

Everyone's house is full of Ikea furniture, It's nice to get something different. Have a look in some of the other furniture shops, you can get one or two nice pieces for not much at all.

If you want cheese, it's worth going to Sheridan's. Meat, definitely Gleesons - but for unusual cuts, go to Fallon and Byrne. It's nice as well to go out for dinner every so often. Again, tripadvisor is a great resource. Use it to find somewhere really nice.

3fe roast the best beans in Dublin. You can buy a bag for about 7 or 8 euro, and you'll get a week or so out of the bag. But once you try it you won't go back!

Week 35 - Andrew - costume

Do you like my costume? I'm dressing up as an adult.
I don't know why I bought these clothes.
I don't actually understand any of the things adults are meant to do.
I never want to follow Irish political news. It's the vegetables of information.
I never want to eat vegetables. They are the Irish political news of food.
I often want to sleep, watch TV comedies and eat garbage.
I am a 17 year old dressed up as an adult, for a year-long halloween.