What’s my greatest skill as a waiter? Oh without a doubt it’s keeping a pretty believable smile on my face and remaining outwardly pleasant to you diners while inside I’m having a good bitch and moan session about you all.
So I took your friends’ plates away before your wife was finished. Honestly, I’m finding it difficult to give a shit. It’s just dinner, for God’s sake; I didn’t murder anyone. Although right now I can’t guarantee that won’t happen before the night is out.
It’s not just you being a pain in the hole tonight. Oh no, you’re in good company. Your man over at the table by the window insisted on speaking to a manager because of the wait for his dinner. Clearly he missed the hundred or so other people here tonight. All being taken care of by Kim, yours truly and the manager whenever she can be arsed getting down off her high horse and pitching in. I no more believe it’s the ‘flu keeping Kevin and Stace off work tonight than I believe in the Easter bunny.
Bloody etiquette. I read somewhere the French just came up with the whole idea to stave off boredom. Well thanks to them, and you, staving off boredom is about all I’ll be doing on my day off tomorrow, because your little outburst means I won’t be getting my hands on any of this evening’s tips.
Do you really think I’m doing this job because I’m passionate about serving food to people? That’d be a no. I’ve more passion for the old woman with the blue rinse next door who smells like she hasn’t washed in six months than I have for this. And that's no passion at all, just in case you're thinking I'm some sort of perv with a blue rinse/BO fetish.
Roll on Christmas, and a break from this kip. And New Year. It's time for a few resolutions.
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