Week 42 - Andrew - Debate

Let me present the case in defense of an aspect of my life few people understand, and a scheme I have been undertaking for some time now. 

Every day, I wear black socks. Marks and Spencer, size 9 black socks. I don't have special socks for special occasions, I don't have dressy socks, I don't have casual socks. 

We don't have a tumble drier, and we have to hang the socks out to dry. this is a fiddly job, and I hate it. I also hate pairing socks. It is an annoying job, with little return for time spent. 

My wife is an extremely kind woman, and she sometimes washes my clothes - she has complained about how difficult it is to pair identical black socks. 

Now, I love my wife, and I want to spare her from difficult jobs. 

These were the pieces in play before I began my scheme. 

If you assume that all black socks are identical (which, given how difficult they are to pair, would seem true), then there is no need to pair socks. Any black M&S sock will go with any other M&S sock. 

I've heard complaints here, people who say they can't wear socks if they know they came from seperate pairs. To those people, I say - the time you spend thinking about socks, I spend productively reading articles about old engines on the internet. Who is winning now? 

So now, I have a drawer with un-paired black socks. So far, so productive, and Aoife's job is easier. There is, however, another barrier to a happy life - washing and drying all these socks. 

I'm a hygenic enough man, and I like to wear fresh socks every day. That's fourteen socks to be washed a week! Every week, for the rest of my life, I have to wash fourteen socks. It's enough to take up regular heroin use. 

This is why, for a period of time last year, I didn't wash socks. I bought socks. My target was to buy 90 pairs of socks. What a waste of money, right? 

Wait - If you assume that a normal pair of socks wears out after a year's wear - that's 52 wears, if you have seven pairs of socks. oof - heavy work on that poor sock. With my system though, it would take thirteen years to get to fifty two wears of a pair of socks! Imagine not having to buy socks for thirteen years! 

There's also the question of washing socks - That weekly chore? One big wash every three months. Granted it's a bigger job, but it's less annoying than a constant grind. 

This point of view is somehow controversial. I always try to maintain a balanced view on the world. If I feel strongly about something, I will try to empathise with those who feel the opposite. This helps me to moderate my views. 

In this case, however, I cannot see how moderation is called for - 90 pairs of socks. Buy socks once every thirteen years, wash socks every three months. 

You know I'm right.